


Morons and Love Letters

by Somebodys_Hermione



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, and the consequences of doing so, letter writing, purposefully avoiding letter writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:35:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27592820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somebodys_Hermione/pseuds/Somebodys_Hermione
Summary: Beau responds to Yasha's letter, or more accurately, doesn't
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Comments: 3
Kudos: 115





	Morons and Love Letters

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not actually caught up on episodes, so there shouldn't be spoilers bc I don't actually know anything plot-relevant lol

“So what are you going to do about Yasha’s letter?”

Beau had felt the question coming from Jester for the last 2 days, during which she had so far not done anything responding to the sweetest letter Beau had ever received. But having felt the question coming didn’t make it any easier to answer. Still, she tried to keep her voice casual when she threw back, “I dunno yet.”

“ _Beau.”_ The disapproval dripped from Jester’s voice.

“ _What?”_

“You _told_ me you liked her. _What_ is the problem? Just tell her and kiss already.”

“There’s more to it than that Jester!” Beau was really hoping Jester wouldn’t push about that, but that was a useless thing to hope because nothing and no one could stop Jester from pushing when it came to romance. 

“Like _what?_ ”

“Like! Like the fact that her wife is dead! And she was mind-controlled by fucking Obann!”

“None of which matters, because Yasha wrote the letter. So I’ll ask again, like _what?”_

“Like the fact that every time I look at Yasha she feels like home, ok?” The outburst surprised Beau but suddenly she was ranting, and Beau was hard to stop mid-rant. “I’ve never even felt at home in my own goddamn body, and now I’m suddenly just supposed to accept the fact that another person can do that to me? That another person makes me want a future more than I ever wanted for myself? What the _fuck_ am I supposed to do with that? Where the fuck do those feelings go? I don’t _know_ so I have no idea where I go from here!”

“Beau.”

“What?”

“Why can’t you just tell Yasha _that_.”

“Be _cause!_ ”

The sigh Jester let out might have contained a tinge of amusement, but it was undetectable past the buckets of frustration leaching out of the teifling’s pores by the second. 

“Just say something, Beau.”

“I’m gonna, I promise, just give me a little bit.”

“Beau, you’re being _such_ a moron,” and Jester was suddenly gone from the room. Beau promised herself that she would respond, she would. Honestly, she _really_ did. 

***

A few more days blew past, and before Beau knew it almost a week had gone by since Yasha’s letter and she still didn’t know what to do. She had tried writing a poem back, but there wasn’t a ton of free time for them now, and she kept getting hung up on trying to rhyme the word _pearlescent_ (not very many things rhymed with it).

But Beau honestly hadn’t been expecting the conversation that happened the morning of the 7th day. She’d woken up early to try and get her muscles warm in the snowy air, so she was genuinely surprised when her workout was interrupted by Fjord of all people. 

“Hey, Beau, could we talk for a second?”

“Sure dude, what’s up?”

“Have you talked to Yasha recently?”

Beau let out a long sigh. “Look, if you’ve been talking to Jester-”

“Wait, what? What does Jester have to do with this?”

“What, Jester didn’t tell you to yell at me about Yasha?”

“No, I haven’t even mentioned this to Jester. Somethings just been up with Yasha lately, and I was wondering if you knew why.” Fjord paused. “Why would Jester want me to yell at you about Yasha?”

Beau told Fjord about the letter, and he nodded. “Ok, so how long ago did she give it to you?”

“Uhhh, probably a week? Maybe?”

“Beau, _what_? You’ve waxed poetic to me about this woman, and she sends you a love letter and you don’t respond for a week?”

“It wasn’t a love letter!”

“It sounds like a love letter.”

“Well, whatever, I’m just trying to figure out what to say, it’s fine, I’m working on it.”

A contemplative look came over Fjord’s face. “Well, this would explain why Yasha’s been acting so sad.”

“I didn’t want to make Yasha sad!”

“Well, I don’t know what you want from me, Beau! Your actions have consequences, and sometimes those consequences are making Yasha sad.”

Beau froze for a moment before angrily exclaiming, “ _Fuck!”_ and kicking a snowbank. 

“Look, Beau, just write her one right now, ok? You’ve got notebooks in your bag, and it's literally just going to get worse the longer you wait. But, seriously, I highly recommend you fix this today if possible.”

“I don’t know what to _say_ ,” and Beau tried to not sound too whiny (it didn’t work).

“You’re smart, you’ll figure it out.” Fjord patted her on the shoulder and turned to leave. 

“That’s it? That’s your advice?”

“Yep! I don’t have anything else, but good luck,” and Fjord left her sulking in the snow. 

But she did finally take out one of her notebooks and try to say something. 

***

_Hey Yash,_

_So I recognize that this was something I should have done a while ago...That’s my fault. That’s on me. It probably shouldn’t surprise you that I’m shitty at this but, I’m sorry. I really am._

_I feel like I should probably start...whatever this is by telling you a couple things. The first is that I have a really bad habit of hurting the people around me. I don’t do it like I used to, I’m getting better at it._ ~~_You make me better at it._~~ _But I have a history of it, which I think is relevant to the second bit, which is that I’ve never wanted anything less in the entire world than to hurt you. I want to make you happy, Yasha. And I’m telling you this because everytime I panic and don’t respond like I should it’s because I’ve convinced myself that I won’t be able to make you happy and I shouldn’t get in the way. But I decided this morning that that was fucking dumb because I’ll _ _never_ _be able to make you happy if I don’t even try, and I’m writing this now so I can’t talk myself out of it again. And if you’re willing to put up with my moronic (according to Jester, and I think pretty rightfully so) ass, you have permission to hold me to that._

_Also, I figure you should know that I tried to write you a poem back, because I also think you deserve them, but I really fucking suck at poetry and didn’t get anywhere. I still think you should know though that you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen and your wings are hella dope. You make me feel safe too, kind of the safest I’ve ever felt, and I’d kind of sort of be down for us feeling safe with each other while also holding hands maybe._

_God that was dumb, but I’m not gonna scribble it out because I don’t know a better way to say it. I’m just trusting you to never tell anyone I did that._

_Thank you for the letter_

_Beau_

***

It had taken her 6 tries to get something she was happy with, and she’d ended up chickening out and hiding the letter in Yasha’s bag so she didn’t have to face how badly she had fucked things up fully head-on. But that didn’t stop her from being ridiculously on edge all day, and nearly jumping out of her skin when Yasha sat down next to her at the campfire that night. 

They just sat like that for what felt like an eternity, with Beau feeling like she’d been set on fire until Yasha finally spoke. 

“You do make me happy, Beau. I don’t want you to ever doubt that.”

She hadn’t been expecting the impact of the words, but suddenly -seemingly without warning- Beau was holding back tears. She was barely able to choke out, “That-that means a lot.”

“And I want you to know that while I don’t think your ass is moronic, I will also put up with it for however long you will let me.”

Which caused Beau to laugh, actually laugh, and she let herself believe that maybe she hadn’t fucked up everything permanently this time. 

And that was enough for right now.

**Author's Note:**

> The ending is purposefully ambiguous. Do they get together? Who knows? Certainly not them  
> Thanks to TheWisdomQueen


End file.
